Revelations

Last night i found myself thinking.This realization dawned on me while i was engaged in one of favourite activities,star gazing.It came as a surprise because,for once,my celestial company couldn't take my mind off earthly occurences.

    If mind is the store house of emotions,subconscious mind is the repository of pent up feelings.They crowd around you at the first opportune moment.The thoughts,i guess had started brewing since the time i had come across some revelations,earlier in the evening. The immediate reaction was an emotional outburst.There was pain,a stifling kind of pain.Gradually,the pain was replaced by a sense of frustration,helplessness and for some strange reason,anger.A few more hours into the evening,personal and professional duties,relegated the entire episode to the back of my mind and i was 'alright'....whatever 'being alright' means.

      Like i said,the contents of the subconscious mind have this habit of of catching you unawares.Later in the night,as i stood there watching the stars,i have no idea when i  lost them to my thoughts like,"Why was it so painful for me?" "Is God's Justice infalliable?" "Why has Karma no reward for those who genuinely deserve them?" and last ,but not the least,"Why was i so angry?"  I don't know why i didn't want to know the answers.Maybe i already knew them.Whether i wanted them or not,i got the answers.On reflection,just as well.Night is that time of the day which has always been very kind to me.I was enlightened in the darkness of the night.

          The answer to the first question was that it was being very difficult for me to accept the fact that we humans have no healing powers.It was the pain of having  no choice but to let fate have the last laugh.As far as God's Justice was concerned,my faith chided me for questioning His plans.Fair enough.We,mere mortals can never ever fathom the Divine Plans.All we can do is wait for Time to reveal them.Regarding Karma,he's a one eyed monster.Period.Now, to the last question,"Why was i so angry?" My doubts were cofirmed when i was told that  wittingly or unwittingly I had harboured expectations.It wasn't a good feeling because i've been trying very hard to stick to the ban i've imposed on my expectations.How could i've been so selfish? However,truth cannot be negated.Once more,it reiterated the human weaknesses.

          The answers kept me awake for quite some time.The more i mulled over them,the closer to the truth i got.I rediscovered a few  things about myself.My faith in my belief grew even stronger.And then, I SLEPT,holding on to Love!