Deliberation

They said,"Song of the rain",
I said,"Golden light,sun's stain"
Rain,drenched night 's winding lane.

They said,"Oasis in the desert",
I said,"The palms,the sands fostered",
The sky has the earth in it's arms gathered.

They said,"Death not as great as life",
I said,"Death,the freedom from all strife",
The old breaks,all new in the River,dive.
                                                                Chandni.

Call

She didn't know what to make of this strange episode in her life.Logically speaking ,there was hardly any substance in it.Though she had spoken a number of times with him,but always over the phone.She neither knew his name,nor his address.All she knew was that they lived in the same city.She had no clue ,whatsoever,of his identity!Everyday,she would think of at least asking his name,but each time she would back away,thinking that she might be intruding in his personal space.She was ready to wait for him till he was ready to open up.
  As far as she was concerned,he knew everything about her.Not that she had told him about herself.He made conjectures and she confirmed them.She couldn't help it,they had always been so uncannily correct! Even,regarding things like her favourite flowers,favourite colour and favourite perfume ,his assumptions had been near perfect. Oneday,when he,in his usual calm manner had taken up her challenge and almost accurately described the colour of her dress,she had panicked.She was scared that he might have had her within his range of vision.For a while,she even thought,he might be a creep!However,it didnt take her too much time to dismiss those 'far fetched' thoughts. What made her so confident about his character?Why was she sold on the idea that he couldnt be a crook?
She had asked herself.But there were no definite answers.So,she thought it best to repose her trust on her womanly instincts!
  Though she knew,she was treading on dangerous grounds,she could  not bring herself to put an end to to this rather bizarre event.It was her call,literally.In the last two months,since they had  this chance telephonic 'encounter',not once had he tried to contact her on his own.It had always been her.Sometimes,she wondered if he would ever make an attempt to contact her,if she happened to disappear!She,even tried to put him to the test a couple of times.Unfortunately,she ended up failing the tests miserably.He never called and she couldn't stay away,she didn't know why!There was something in his voice.It was nothing like the deep  barritone  that women generally fall for.It was a quiet controlled voice.That sort of a voice from which emotions could not be gauged.But somehow,she could almost detect a faint hint of melancholy in his voice.That probably,was her undoing.She couldn't tell.Nonetheless,it kept her drawing to it like the night draws the darkness towards it!

  These telephonic conversations never failed to draw out some unknown emotions in her.What disturbed her the most was his ability to read her thoughts.He seemed to know exactly what she would be thinking at a given point in time!Everytime that happened,she could distinctly feel  a smile lurking somewhere in the words he spoke.It would rankle her to think that he might be mocking her for being so transparent!Many a time she had  rudely hung up on him for being so infuriatingly condescending.But then she would spend sleepless nights .Then she would barely allow the morning to settle down, when she would make a beeline for the phone.To her utter disappointment, she would find no trace of anger or hurt in his voice.On the contrary,he would tease her for being so childish!The hapless female ,tied up in knots ,would wonder,what next? Fortunately or unfortunately,she didn't have to wait long,after one such exasperating episode.
   One morning,out of the blue,she saw his number flashing on the screen of her phone.Her initial reaction was like,"It must a beautiful dream!"But the persistent ringing of the phone snapped her out her delirium.He didn't seem to be his usual self.He was curt and cryptic.He expressed his wish to meet her,if it was alright with her.She didn't know what hit her.In the last couple of months,quite a few times she had dropped,not so subtle hints of her wish to see him.Each time they were met with extreme diplomacy.And now this!She should have been elated but the tone of his voice indicated an impending storm.However,the question arose how was she to recognise him!.She recieved the reply,"Don't worry.I'll find you."
 On the appointed day and appointed time, she arrived at the appointed destination.Barely had she stepped into the restaurant, an elderly person greeted her.She was escorted to a table in the far corner of the room.The table was occupied by a gentleman, who seemed to be in his late thirties.She didn't have to be told who he was.She knew.Surprisingly enough ,he didn't seem to be a stranger. The picture of him in his mind was not too different from the man who was sitting right before her.The only exception were his eyes.They were not what she had pictured. She had always imagined his eyes would be full of life and dripping with smiles.But in reality , they were lifeless and unsmiling.
   As she was watching those eyes fixed on her, suddenly she realised that they were not looking at her....in fact they were not looking at all.They were unseeing eyes. He was blind!Involuntarily, a shaft of pain pierced through her.She audibly sucked in her breath.A short mirthless laughter startled her.He had sensed her reaction.He pushed his chair back and stood up.He introduced himself....ironically to someone who was no stranger to him.He gifted her a bunch of white carnations, her favourite flowers and offered her a seat.She took the chair oopposite to him.Her throat felt parched and her hands were clammy.She was dying for a glass of water.But she controlled the urge to drink the water from the glass on the table.As always he could easily guess her discomfort.He told her how his other senses were sharp enough to sense things more accurately than others.He paused for a while and she tried to say something.But he stopped her and requested her to listen to him.Then whatever he told her, left her in a daze.
     The first thing he told her was , he was leaving town to undergo surgeries on his eyes.The chances of his regaining his lost sight were 70-30.If  the 70% worked in his favour, he would give her a call.If not.....he trailed off.He  stopped and waited for a while, as if he wanted to hear her say something.But by the time she could gather her bearings and utter a word, he had already summoned his attendent, preparing to leave.He reached out and took her hands in his in a firm grip.He held on to them for a while and then let go of them.In that brief moment,his touch told her all that he hadn't been able to say.She immediately knew what she must do.She walked across the table up to him and taking his hand in hers, in a quiet confident voice , told him,"I'll wait for you.".A smiled touched his lips and he stood up ,ready to leave.With his man, he strode across the room and just before stepping out in the blazing midday sun, he turned back to wave at her and then they left..
   As she walked back home, she felt  pleasure coursing through her.She knew she couldn't have said anything else to him.She knew she couldn't have made a better choice.She knew, it wasn't going to be long before she got that,much awaited call.Or did she?
                                                                                                                                             Chandni.

The Urge

When the clouds cannot,themselves contain,
They are restless and find peace in the rain,
My sedate heart mirrors their turmoil deep,
Beats with a strength,drawn off a rested sleep.

The pounding menace threatens to revolt,
If my fingers ,by their urge,are not troubled.
My soul,a co-conspirator of a scheming heart,
Drives my mind and bends it like a reed,to art.

I fix my gaze on the blank pristine sheet,
I will my imagination to make the lead bleed,,
The wooden tool breaks into a graceful dance,
Sketches lines dark,on the page,as if in a trance.

I watched my heart leading my fervent finger,
Filling up the sheet with the song of a divine Singer,
My secret desires uncoiled,stretched on the page,
How I had yearned  but squashed them in a rage.

My fingers had hungered for the feel of those locks
Now my pencil traces the strands,the feeling shocks
How I longed to smoothen those lines of worry,
My eraser, gently wipes them,the tales sorry.

I had so wished to touch the skin of the face taut,
Stretched  to define the contours, fraught
With a brooding gloom and unknown misery,,
I felt it, as my pencil  shaded the untold story.

The dreams in those eyes I wished to capture,
My lips trapped a song,raring to break,in rapture
An unspeaking mouth,but full was carved,
Maybe a bit parched,a little kiss starved?

Tiny shivers  through  my veins coursed,
My thumbs brushed a smile,the lips endorsed,
The pencil nib planted kisses on the lines bold,
My breath shallow,face aflame,palms grew cold.

I stepped back,beneath the brows watched the eyes ,
A world of grief unfolded;,there escaped my sighs,
I held the sheet close to me,taking it in a hug tender,
I sent up a little prayer to Him,to them be a little kinder.

                                                                                   Chandni.

      




SUNSHINE


 

Youth and Wisdom

A clear stream of  life,simple and uncomplicated,

To their cause,they were completely devoted.

Their mind keen and ever curious,

Was unaware of all that was spurious.

Heart burning with passionate endeavour,

Harboured no hesitation,a ready receptor.

The door to their soul was left ajar,

To usher in the Light,filtering in from afar.

Bold hearts,strong willed,they knew not fear,

Unfaltering steps marched on,with their peer.

They lived quests,each moment a journey

To the new,treading paths cobbled and thorny.

Eyes sparkling, aglow with a crystal vision,

Raring to go,attend to the call of their mission.

Hours glided on through the sands of time,

Each grain of sand, was divinely sublime.

Time moved on,but their wheels of motion arrested,

Of youth,suddenly the blessed souls were divested.

Their passionate youthful deep throated roar,

Lost its voice,and gave way to whimpers,sore.

They were stripped of all their desires and dreams,

All that remained, were their wasted skeletal frames.

They sought solace in the words of some ancient sage,

Wisdom visits in the winter of life,when ripe,the fruit of age.

A comforter devoid of comfort,for, this truth is just a myth,

Undeniably,Wisdom,even in the youth,itself does sheathe.

                                                                                             
                                                                                               Chandni.