Time

Miles of dejection,over the desert vain,
Grovel,fettered to the vile sand,forsaken,
Abandoned by morning mist and showers,
Embedded in the thorny green,not bowers.

Sorrow abounds-no curse,no longer a bane,
Muted eyes,speak of no pain,no tears they rain,
Thoughts,like scattered clouds in the mind wander,
Infertile,conceive no words and over no song ponder.

The soul,a wretched bird,born to die wingless and caged,
The heart languishes with beats frail, and a bearing staid,
The gaze scanning the blue and fixed on the distant horizon,
Deciphers the dark,oblivious of the glow of the dawning morn.

Nothing escapes the eyes but not the sight; and the heart,
Feels not the Artist,manifested in His works of Heavenly Art.
But then, when the icy winds rise and in the earth swirl,
A heart rending sob escapes,before,around the voice they curl.

When the night,with its darkness,unnoticed, in it is slipping
When the stars twinkle and in the glory of the moon basking,
When the maturing darkness is growing healthy and wise,
Sleep grows sleepless, distant are dreams for barren eyes!

The spirit of silence, touched to the quiet core
At the unmoving waves,severed from the  shore,
Pleads with time to set the pace,
For life to run through the stillness,in an eternal race.

The Sun lets the winter chill flourish and reign,
Bidding his time to thaw,the life,frozen,
A drop of it,one at a time into the stillness seep,
And arouse the land from a slumber deep.

 Then  the fields turn lush green and then yellow,
The ponds filled to the brim,deep,no longer shallow,
The rain washed planet glistens and sparkles bright,
All gloom,and shadow hidden behind a fluorescent light.

                                                                                        Chandni .

Paradox

She's never sad,
Eternally happy and glad,
She laughs with laughter,
She keeps within,when tears gather.

When she gazes at the night passing by,
Pressed to her chest,her heart asigh,
But her eyes dry as a desert arid,
Her lips,to a deceptive smile,married.

Her days a cheerful song,
Her gaiety infects all,before long,
Casual eyes ask,"Why so merry?"
The keen sight,"What grief do you carry?"

Her countenance,reflects no clouds,never,
The apparent sun trapped in her,forever,
Daughter of bejewelled darkness,she,
It's music resonating in her tale,that be.

Befriended by rain,foremost and first,
Her heart starves-her soul dies,not of thirst,
She breathes life profusely,
Striking a balance,life let's her live scantily.

Be kind,name her not morose or morbid,
You wouldn't know them;God forbid,
From your  soul, sated and happy,
Gift her a fistful of crystalline felicity.

Perchance,her soul conflicting,
At peace would be residing,
In a purged heart,tired of affecting,
A front ,fake,without ever relenting.
                                                        Chandni.

Revelations

Last night i found myself thinking.This realization dawned on me while i was engaged in one of favourite activities,star gazing.It came as a surprise because,for once,my celestial company couldn't take my mind off earthly occurences.

    If mind is the store house of emotions,subconscious mind is the repository of pent up feelings.They crowd around you at the first opportune moment.The thoughts,i guess had started brewing since the time i had come across some revelations,earlier in the evening. The immediate reaction was an emotional outburst.There was pain,a stifling kind of pain.Gradually,the pain was replaced by a sense of frustration,helplessness and for some strange reason,anger.A few more hours into the evening,personal and professional duties,relegated the entire episode to the back of my mind and i was 'alright'....whatever 'being alright' means.

      Like i said,the contents of the subconscious mind have this habit of of catching you unawares.Later in the night,as i stood there watching the stars,i have no idea when i  lost them to my thoughts like,"Why was it so painful for me?" "Is God's Justice infalliable?" "Why has Karma no reward for those who genuinely deserve them?" and last ,but not the least,"Why was i so angry?"  I don't know why i didn't want to know the answers.Maybe i already knew them.Whether i wanted them or not,i got the answers.On reflection,just as well.Night is that time of the day which has always been very kind to me.I was enlightened in the darkness of the night.

          The answer to the first question was that it was being very difficult for me to accept the fact that we humans have no healing powers.It was the pain of having  no choice but to let fate have the last laugh.As far as God's Justice was concerned,my faith chided me for questioning His plans.Fair enough.We,mere mortals can never ever fathom the Divine Plans.All we can do is wait for Time to reveal them.Regarding Karma,he's a one eyed monster.Period.Now, to the last question,"Why was i so angry?" My doubts were cofirmed when i was told that  wittingly or unwittingly I had harboured expectations.It wasn't a good feeling because i've been trying very hard to stick to the ban i've imposed on my expectations.How could i've been so selfish? However,truth cannot be negated.Once more,it reiterated the human weaknesses.

          The answers kept me awake for quite some time.The more i mulled over them,the closer to the truth i got.I rediscovered a few  things about myself.My faith in my belief grew even stronger.And then, I SLEPT,holding on to Love!

Me

I don't know how to say but I do know what to say.I want to talk about life.No,I am not a philosopher either!Life for me was when  my parents were alive.The three of us,me and my two elder sisters, had a decent childhood,thanks to them.My mother's world revolved around the four of us.She hadn't a clue  what was going on in the world outside,and she couldn't care less.She was happy,if we were!On the other hand,my father was diametrically opposite to her.He was more outgoing and extremely social.His job in the aviation industry brought him in contact with a lot of people and quite obviously had a large social circle.But, as far as his daughters were concerned,compromise never featured in the scheme of things.He was a disciplanarian,but not in the conventional sense.He was that friend  that every growing up girl  would love to have.Nothing unusual,i guess.However,in our case ,we were totally at ease with him.There were NO secrets and NO lies,whatsoever.Never needed to resort to those,fortunately.That's what life was all about,until then.
    But then,people say,life  thrives on change. Ironically,when life is going through a change in some place,somewhere else it comes to a stand still,like in our world did.In 2001 ,my father was diagonised with throat cancer and exactly nine months later he left us.The world didn't come crashing down,neither did it stop revolving,but it stopped moving.Since my sisters had been married and had their own lives to take care of,I was left alone to look after mly mother.....only for the next three years.She died fretting.She  missed dad terribly; she had never been able to come to terms with his loss,we knew it.
       I didn't know what to make of life.Actually,I didn't need to know that,because i couldn't find a trace of it anywhere.Thankfully,you do not need a life to exist.So ,I existed.It would be extremely unfair to God  if i didn't mention His contribution in making the existence a little more tolerable.He appeared in the form of friends and family.
I wonder,if He was trying to compensate!
    And then,oneday life gets bored of it's constant change.So, it decides to  create some changes----and I call them life changing events.They shake you to the core and the perspective of life takes a complete U turn.My relationship with God has always been very simple.....He set the rules and I broke them and I heard Him laugh,indulgently,every single time.I didn't know then but now I know the reason of His mirth.Suddenly,out of the blue,He presented life in a shade darker ,like the brooding sky before the storm.I was awe struck.It was distant,but I couldn't take my mind off.There the thunder rolled,here the clouds rained tears.I was sucked into the vortex of  this whirl wind.With time,the storm settled down in me and I had a closer look into it's soul.I detected a white light,not blinding but beautiful enough to illuminate my own darkness.I was intoxicated.And then I felt a connection.Somehow,I am not surprised.I don't know why and frankly ,I couldn't care less,just like my mother!If If it's His wish,it has to be my command.I can break His rules ,I cannot go against His wish.Who knows what tomorrow holds in it's womb but as of today,this is my life and this is why i live.....for better or for worse....rightly or wrongly.

To Us

Someday,when the wind blows in from the west,
Someday,when the storm settles down for a rest,
There will be a restless calm,waiting to be born,
From the womb of chaos,alighting on a new morn.

Someday,when the sun will shine,and not burn,
Someday,when there will be no ashes in the urn,
The fragrance of the spring,with the wind,will dance,
The fairies of the winter,mute spectators,perchance!

Someday,when thoughts will be free to talk,
Someday,when words won't be put under lock,
The soul will breathe easy and heart flip,
Silence will find a voice, loud and deep.

Someday,when hearts will sing the tune of love,
Someday,when peace will lend wings to the caged dove,
The stains of blood will be washed by tears of repentence,
The gods on earth will seek salvation in their humble penance.

Someday,when you and I,seek to be We,
Someday,when their grief is too much for us to see,
He will appear,raining light,riding the chariot of fire,
He will purge the hell and all gloom,cast in a fiery gyre.

Till then,let Now show no mercy to the earth,
Let avarice and instinct base,attain huge girth,
Let light weep, despondent and in dispair,
Let each night die a little,for having no day to share!

                                                                                 Chandni.

Whatever

What if.....
There were no barriers,
Only us, and not our inner warriors?
What if......
Dreams didn't elude a dream weaver,
Only rain and no storm or thunder?
What if......
Silence did not pierce through  peace,
Only, quiet words flowed,quite at ease?
What if....
Fear did not take a demonic stature,
Only hearts,sang like a lark,the warbler?
What if....
The robust lungs didn't have to heave a sigh,
Only mirth,detached from life's how,what or why?
What if.....
The palms weren't clammy,cold and barren,
Only a fill of the warmth,in the clasp they're taken?
What if......
The eyes sparkled, but not with tears,
Only words,they'd speak,for the soul to hear?
What if.....
Time was not set free of the hour glass,
Only the place Forever,with no death to curse?
What if.....
Distance was not so distant,
Only,one's imagination's figment?
What if .....
This world was not so cold and real,
Only warm,like the world, ideal?
What if....
There were no whats or ifs
Only affirmations up life's sleeves?
                                                     
Chandni

"Model"

They looked at her and asked her,
"Will you pose nude,wearing just a fur?"
She sucked in her breath and then said,
"Not just my skin,even my soul will be bared.
Will you take a closer look and within it peek,
And it's pristine beauty,to paint,will you seek?
This body,a mass of blood and ungainly flesh,
A slave of time,destined for dust and burnt ash,
A purgatory,burning in the flames of lust and sin,
Would you want to capture it on a canvas,virgin?
Ask for my heart,like a new born chick's,aflutter,
I'll rip it off this gory cage and lay it on a platter.
Touch it with your brush, dipped in colour myriad,
Of love and benignity,in your grace,let it be dyed.
It will be attuned to each of it's rhythmic beat,
Singing your praise for setting it on the immortal seat.
Me,a mere mortal,shares your flaws in equal measure,
Futile exercise this,to immortalize, for visual pleasure.
Paint, if you can,the glory of the Almighty,
With colours divine,befitting a heavenly Deity.
Your name will outlive time, space and age,
Death will bow to you and revere you like the Sage".

                                                                           Chandni

Frozen

He stood at the doorway watching her sitting in the rocking chair crooning to the infant in her arms.The room was barely illuminated by the moon beams filtering in through the sheer lacy curtains.She was silhoutted in the play of light and shadow in the room.As he stood there,his eyes were riveted to the woman in the room.Her soft rendition wafted in the air that was so still as if it was too scared to disturb the stillness of the night.His eyes glistened---difficult to say whether it was the trick of the light or something deeper.He was jerked out of his stupor by the creaking of the chair,as she shifted in it.
     He stepped into the room and tiptoed to where she sat.She looked up at him with a smile playing across her thin white lips,even as she continued with her lullaby.An answering smile touched his mouth as he stretched out his arms for the child.For a few seconds her eyes flashed ,as if in protest.She seemed averse to let her bundle of joy out of her sight,even for a moment.However,soon her eyes softened and with infinite tenderness placed the child in his arms,rearranging the covers.
        He cradled the baby in his arms,mouthing garbled words to it ,walked towards the window.He pushed the curtains out of the way and stood under the streaming light,lifting his face to the moon.It was a gaunt face, awash with silent tears! His parched lips moved....was it a complaint or a prayer? He bent his head and with trembling fingers pushed the covers aside.His arms held no human form.He was holding a rag doll!
         Two years back,they lost their six month old baby boy.She has never been able to accept the loss.Ever since she has been living a life frozen in time.As for him ,he could never pluck enough courage to snap her out of her delusion.He couldn't afford death to win the second time too!Since then , he has been humouring her,surrendering himself to destiny.

                           Chandni.

On Reading and Writing.

I am not a writer, but that doesn't stop me from writing.This thing called self gratification makes me take up the pen,now and then.Sometimes I have no clue as to what to write.Yet,there is an invisible force that eggs me on.
        Darkness suits me,therefore i favour the hours of the night to ink my thoughts.I have no delusions about my writing prowess,and so,quite naturally don't expect rave reviews.Having said that,it would'nt do you any harm if you could kindly,skim the words and express your honest opinion.Constructive criticism is more than welcome and if the writing deserves it,appreciation is a little more than welcome!
           I have always been an avid reader.I cultivated the habit at a very tender age,thanks to my sister.She was and still is,a voracious reader.One of the most vivid memories of my growing up years, was eagerly waiting to reach school to be able to  exchange books with my friends.Like every other kid,I cut my teeth on Nancy Drew and Enid Blyton.Then graduated to Mills & Boon and gradually stepped into the so called 'forbidden' territories of James Hadley Chase ,Harrold Robbins et all.But the thrill of reading Mills & Boon surpassed all other.The world, for a bunch of 14/15 year old girls,was as rosy as it could get.The budding interest in the opposite sex,made these romantic novels all the more appealing.Over the years,the literary taste has undergone a sea change,but,silly as it may seem,somewhere along the way  M & Bs have retained their place in some corner of the heart.I am yet to outgrow them!
           However,with the passing years, academics took precedence. For obvious reasons had to take a raincheck on reading 'other' books.But ,it was not like i was totally cut off from their world.In the meantime, I started reading books written in my mother tongue,Bengali.My  sister introduced me to  Rabindranath Tagore & Sarat Chandra Chatterjee.I had no formal training in either reading or writing Bengali but somehow, i am clueless as to how,without any knowledge of even the alphabet ,i started reading these books.Ever since there has been no looking back.
             Consciously,I had never harboured any desire for writing, though I'd always nurtured the ambition of getting into journalism.But,probably ,subconsciously,i have always been fascinated by the writers i read.Besides,my well wishers and friends
demonstrated huge confidence on my writing skills,based on some insignificant write ups i used to come up with.I should think,these factors ignited enough fire in the belly to give writing a shot.
              The baby steps are yet to grow more confident.Hopefully,time will be kind enough to my desire to write and it will not allow it to fade.As far as inspirations  are concerned,I am never short of  them and i sincerely hope and pray,  they will remain a perennial source!
                                                                                                            Chandni.
          

A Wish

I dreamt of the moon,gliding past,
To the stars,a twinkling glance cast.

The stars giggled in delight,
And they glittered ever so bright.

The moon wore the garb of mystery,
Its smile spoke of a secret story.

In a whisper,the stars huddled,
They wondered and grew befuddled.

The silence kept a vigil on the dark,
As spears of rays left their mark.

My heart beat a steady staccato,
As the earth danced in the sky's shadow.

I heard my soul sing an unheard song,
A melody,my spirit  sang  along.

The night,ever so enchanting,
I tried to fathom the mystery,fascinating .

I was lost,feasting on the beauty,
The night's soul had me in captivity.

A poem ,each drop of the black,
The moonbeams wrote,on their track.

I was drunk,soul and heart,
On God's magnificent work of art.

I gazed at the clouds and wondered,
If the night knew ,I,to it,had surrendered.

Gradually the moon lost it's lustre,
The stars dispersed,from their cluster.

Yet,I basked in the glory dimming,
When sun poured in, rays streaming.

I woke up,holding on to my dreams,
All ears,to the still ringing,nightly hymn.

The day from me,snatched my dream away,
But my fastened soul, it cannot sway.

And I wait for the sun to go down,
In the arms of my dream, again to drown!

Even as I am fading into oblivion,
I wish to carry this dream, the vision.

Let me live my dreams surreal,
Grant me a sleep, eternal.
                                          Chandni.

All, or Nothing?

There was Nothing,before the World,

An enormous void,in the space,swirld,

There was no beginning,no end,

No shaft of light through the dark sent.

No fear of destiny,not fated,

To yearn,peace in the calm rested,

No place, Here or There,

Time treated all, and Nothing fair.

No heart,no soul the darkness harboured,

The pure,pristine - solely  it savoured,

Only a silence,echoed in the space,

Entreating sound,to lend it grace.

Then God said,"Let there be light,and land"

A ripple of life, went through man and fiend.

All that was Something ,wicked and vile,

Was sprung on the World,it to rile.

Light revealed Something and it's race,

Obscurity cast a shadow,on your calmly face,

You went back to being nothing in the dark,

Something took over,blatant and stark.

Since initiation of life,

The debate has been rife,

Something over Nothing,

Or  Nothing over Everything?

Nothing is but the Truth,

Of Wisdom,it bears the fruit,

Yet, the philosophers opine,

Something is all they can define!

Glory of Something, they sing

Nothing ,the ousted King.

Everything,vaunted ,but temporal,

Subject to surrender,to Nothing, eternal.

                                                              Chandni.

Masterpiece

Friends of the breeze,daughters of the showers,
God's masterpiece,none but the flowers,
Embroidered beauty,each little bloom,
Drugging sight,dispeller of all gloom.

Cradling the playful drops of morning dew,
They wait,to bask in the glory of Sun's view,
Then,murals unveiled, frescoes of the Earth,
Paintings, adorning His altar,the blessed birth.

When they spring in that Season extraordinaire,
The riot of colours,all senses,they ensnare,
Uninfected, not a soul is, by the hued smile,
Even that mouth curves,sheltering a heart vile.

Spirited blossoms,cheerful forever and more,
Born on the sandy deserts or along the shore,
Unaware of the grace, they lend to the Nature,
They glide through life,but not for long --never.

When homeward,to the west,journeys the Sun,
A few more short breaths before they are done.
They know,but not before with their perfume,
The air is steeped,they part,the withering bloom.

The humble teachers of life's lessons,
Life led in short bursts,in shorter seasons,
Teach me to be unattached to my breath,
And be as graceful as you are in death.

Lend me the strength you harbour in a spirit bold,
To make peace with life,devoid of warmth,so cold,
I desire no pen to ink a word on my passing away,
Only your fragrant presence, by my grave,to sway.       
                                                                                 Chandni.

On,The Passing

They say,disappointment,defeat,delusions,
Are nothing but futile emotions,
Life is short,even shorter, the breath,
All cease to exist,at the touch of death.

Every little word or action,
Leads us to our inevitable execution,
Each season of love and care,
We cannot help but with death share.

Health,happiness and being well,
A matter of time,before the toll of the Bell,
The restful night,but a reminder,
Guests,we are,before the final departure.

The mist,dew and the rainfall,
Tears of Heaven for our impending  funeral.
Why then this craving for life to lengthen?
Why,when lovers torn asunder,are hearts broken?

Why are eyes laden with brittle dreams?
Why is peace, drowned in the silent screams?
Why do we have to shelter a soul,
Battered,bruised, riddled with many a hole?

Why couldnt days be bathed in glory?
Each moment,an eternally blissful story?
Why is the moon's throne in darkness wrapped?
Why are the stars,in the clutches of the night,trapped?

Why isn't life sweet,if its short and fleeting?
Why is it's happiness hasty,in retreating?
Why,then does it seem to stretch so long?
Why,is it not a never ending melifluous song?
                                                       Chandni.

Soul Garden

The void is a space,
Seeking your eternal grace,
A garden waiting to be born,
With the dawn of a pristine morn.

Let the soul garden in you,
Break forth into a cluster of hue,
Let drops of peace shimmer in each bloom,
Purge your heart of the seeping gloom.

For,the void is a space,
Seeking your eternal grace,
Wishing you to plant a sapling,
A hope laden tree in the making.

Birds of freedom would alight and sing,
Be it summer,autumn,winter or spring.
Its a void, with the vision of a blossoming space,
Awaiting the gardener and his eternal grace.
                                                                         Chandni.

The Maverick

I let questions question me,
I tell the answers,"Let them be".

I let my heart's burning desire,
Set me aflame,& will it to light my pyre.

I let my dreams, the reality be,
I dare my tears to drown me.b

I let moments perch on the hours,
For time is endowed with healing powers.

I let my silence do the talking,
When doubts come thick and flocking.

I let myself be born anew,
In moments of joy,though just a few.

I let my breath fan my imaginations,
I disregard life's terms and rigid conditions.

I let myself think I am alive,
To convince me,to the utmost,I strive.

All said and done,
From life I learn,
For a slice of the Sun,
In hell fire,the soul must burn.

                      BUT,

I will let my soul not be shunned,
It will be tended and duely sunned.

I will let 'if' be my guide,
And 'but' from all possibilities hide.

                          OR ELSE,

I will let death,drop by drop,
seep in,
And feast on my spirit,shrivelling within.
                                                               Chandni.

The Leaf of Faith

Through the leafy trees the wintry wind whistled,
Swept away of all,but one that stood and bristled,
The leaf clung on to the stem,fighting the gust,
She shook and shivered,but refused to bite the dust.

The foolish leaf,her fate had been sealed,
Unawares,with faith,her tiny veins filled.
A mocking smile hovered on Her crimson lips,
To wrench her away,Destiny,stealthily in,She slips.,

A slip of a leaf, sheltering a heart mighty bold,
Fearless of life's frozen stare and touch,icy cold
She had seen her friends all scatter away,
She was undeterred,nothing could,the leaf sway.

She survived the storm and the tempest,
Her faith unshaken,on its branch, it rested,
Winds of change,heralded the change of season,
Once again she wore green,and was with mirth laden.

The tree and its branches broke forth into varied green,
The frolicking and fluttering leaf,made a joyous scene.
She swayed in a dance,to the east wind whistling,
Little did she know,her doom ,to life,was stirring,

Then,the clouds gathered and aloud they roared,
The tides rode high and the winds soared,
The fierce storm through the trees lashed,
Forked lightening,across the grey skies flashed.

The mighty stumps forward and over their back they bent,
Tremors of shock and fear,through them were sent,
The leaf's tree dug his claws deep,to the earth he clung,
But his arms mercilessly severed and afar they were flung.

The leaf,held on to her stem,by the skin of her teeth,
It seemed,as if the storm would bow down to her grit,
But then there was a crack,and the branch snapped,
The leafy soul ripped out,in the air she aimlessly flapped.

Torn from the haven of her tree,down she floated,
Destiny,scoring a point,gleefully She gloated.
Her mighty heart shorn of all spirit and strength,
She lay dusty,twisted,broken and doubly bent.

A spent force,as her destiny and fate would have it,
She went down,but not her Faith,--not a bit,
She lay there in peace,though at the altar of death.
Her tree would leaf again,she knew,as did her faith.

                                                                                    Chandni.